10 Most Outrageous 911 Calls Ever

Criminal seagulls, stolen snowmen and an evil duvet. This is what the brave operators of emergency phone lines have to deal with.

Numbers like 911 and 999 serve an absolutely crucial purpose: namely, to reveal just how mind-bogglingly bizarre people can be. Here are 10 real-life, totally un-made-up calls from the archives.

It takes some gull

Police in Scotland were so stunned by one woman's emergency call they actually tweeted about it. Her reason for ringing? Seagulls were being loud outside her house, and she wanted them charged for breaching the peace.

 

Help – date wanted!

Over in the States, a hopeless romantic earnt herself a date with the police after constantly calling 911 to look for love. "I'm having a hard time getting hold of a date line," she explained, before asking emergency services to help her find a good man. Police were eventually called to her apartment building after she was seen urinating in the hallway. Quite a catch!

 

Attack of the evil duvet

Back in Blighty, a lady rang for the police in a panic, claiming she'd been kidnapped. "I can't see anything," she whispered. "I'm wearing a blindfold. Wait, I'm trapped." The operator talked her through these traumatic seconds before the caller realised she was, er, lying under her duvet. "I woke up with it covering my head and thought someone had done something to me," she explained.

 

The concerned wife

German police wasted no time when a woman rang the emergency number to alert them to a crisis at her home. Imagine their reaction when they turned up to the sight of the woman's hubby watching porn, while she explained that he just wouldn’t stop doing it, even when she offered "the real thing".

 

The lion ring

"I'd like to report a lion sighting." That's how a 911 call in a sleepy US neighbourhood began, so it's no surprise the operator's first reaction was "Say that again?" The calls kept coming after that, with another frantic local saying "I just saw an animal that looked like a small lion. Had the mane and everything." Turned out, it was just Charles – a Labrador-poodle mix who'd been shaved by his owner to resemble a university's lion mascot. A little too well, it seems.

 

Arrested development

Ever been "pocket-dialled"? You know, when a friend accidentally rings your number and you get to hear them walking to a bus stop while you bark "Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hello?" at them? Well, two US criminals once pocket-dialled 911… while they were in the middle of breaking into a car. Their discussion about what to steal, overheard and recorded by the operator, would have come in mighty handy in court afterwards.

 

Man alive

 Losing at football plus beer plus 999 don't mix. This was confirmed when, following Man Utd's loss to Sunderland in a crucial game, one enraged fan dialled 999 to report a crime. "What crime is that?" the operator asked. "The crime is that Manchester United were absolutely knackered." He also demanded to speak to Sir Alex Ferguson, but was unfortunately unable to be connected to him.

 

The stolen snowman

 When a chap rang 999 to report his snowman being stolen, the operator first assumed it was some kind of bejewelled ornamental snowman. The man's response is worth quoting in full: "No he’s made out of snow. I made him myself. He had two of my teaspoons as his arms and money on his face. I’m not being funny, I know it’s only a snowman, but I thought he’d be fine what with it being icy. People wouldn’t be walking up and down the road. But in the end of the day, you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman. Do you know what I mean?"

 

Dream on

 When you have a bad dream, the most obvious response is to bore your significant other about it while they nod and pretend to listen. A chap in the States went one better by calling 911 not once, but twice to report his nightmare. "Everything that happened today is actually in my dream and I want to prove it to everybody," he said, clearing things up nicely.

 

Saga of the squirrel

And the award for most outstanding emergency call conversation has to go to this exchange, which began with a caller asking for rescuers to come for a "grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees", because "his life is in danger. It's a grey squirrel, it's a rare species." The operator pointed out, "Grey squirrels are not rare, it's the red squirrels that are rare."